Emotional Abuse and Your Faith

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John Piper - Blinders for Biblical Roles!
2009-09-21 16:13:00
I have question for everyone, and would love to hear from theories.For some reason I started this huge fire storm with my article about John Piper and how his ignorance is killing children. I have dealt with a number of families, and their children within those families. The children it seems are the silent victims. There are a number of churches that are truly coming around, and realizing their error when dealing with domestic violence. I have found in part it was due to them participating with this dynamic within their church. First being relieved at what seemed to be true repentance, but once the hard work to truly allow God to change the mindset of the abuser? All Hell breaks lose, and they quickly found themselves sitting their stunned wondering where that 'true repentance' went!What happened to the tears and 'I will never do that again?" The 'I want to CHANGE!" It was to overwhelming for the abusers. Just like real life is, and they responded in the way they always ...
More About: Biblical , John Piper

Chris Brown - Mindset of Domestic Violence
2009-09-18 15:50:00
I was asked to put the series in one post for people.Part One Chris Brown , Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!Part Three Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS nowPart Four Chris Brown I'm NOT a monster!
More About: Domestic , Violence , Domestic Violence

TOOLS for change! Who is ready?
2009-09-17 21:40:00
I was reading a story of a women recently, and how she is dealing with the guilt of never telling her father she loved him before he passed away. The dynamics of her childhood were not of a kisses and loads of hugs atmosphere. If I were guessing there was a true lack of that, and that to a child is a sense of comfort. We all know some people just aren't capable of it for some reason, but it sounds like this and other dynamics caused distance between her and father during her childhood.It sounds in part like a familiar story of a young girl rebelling, and finding herself abused, abandoned, and pregnant. She was struggling at this point, and trying to get her life back on track. The distanced relationship with her father changed one day with a phone call. He wanted to help, and first and foremost? He wanted to babysit that grandchild, and wanted HER to go out and do something for herself. She needed a break, and he clearly saw that. It was the start of their rebuilding, rene...
More About: Tools , Change , Suffering , Ready

Submissive Wife? Sacrificing Husband??
2009-09-15 23:47:00
Over at Reflections of a Mirror blog was a man that did a piece call the The Submissive Wife ? I had to giggle because his introduction the article included making sure you paid attention the question mark at the end of the title, "The Submissive wife???"He did poke fun at some that believe that Ephesians 5:22 seems to be the only sentence with any true meaning in that entire passage. We have all heard it ourselves - Wifes Submit to your husbands! I could tell he was off to a good start with a bit of sarcasm:There you have it, wives- do whatever your husband says. Guys, wouldn?t that be awesome? To have slaves that have to do what we tell them to do? I mean, how incredibly boring would that be? Never fight, never argue, never have a complicated discussion. Never be interrupted while the NFL is on. Never have to worry about her feelings or her opinions. Never wonder if she will make you breakfast, lunch and dinner, because, well, she has too right? It?s in the Bible.(giggle...
More About: Domestic abuse , Husband

Chris Brown I'm NOT a monster!
2009-09-11 19:25:00
This is last part regarding the interview with Larry King and Chris Brown . I'm pointing out the traits of the abuser, and how they act when they get caught abusing!If you would like to see the other parts of the series:Part One Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!Part Three Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS nowChris Brown's demeanor changed a bit at the beginning of this portion of the interview.He claims he still loves her at the beginning of the interview. I have no doubt he does still love her in his own way. He hasn't got the help he needs to recognize a healthy type of love yet.I think most anyone would feel sorrow once a person they love moves on to a new relationship. He won't be stalking her to much with the media following him. You can bet the minute she gets hot and heavy with someone else it will fuel the media once again. Sigh. I think that is the nature of the beast.He may not be in a relationship at this point, but you c...
More About: Monster

Chris Brown - We are FRIENDS now
2009-09-10 20:03:00
We are going to take a look at part four of the Larry King interview with Chris Brown . This is part three of our series WE are FRIENDS now!Part One Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...Part Two Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!He mentions how when they went to his friend's house after the domestic violence situation it wasn't to 'rekindle the relationship', but to build the 'friendship' back up. It was like Romeo and Juliet trying to get together as they were kept apart. Huh?How many healthy people in the world would wish to rekindle their friendship after someone beats the living snot out of them...and NOT talk about what happened during that time? How they are just there to 'relax', and just be friends. LOL How you just get together JUST for that, and not feel just a bit awkward? He claims it wasn't at all! Reasonable people would feel awkward don't you think?WHY DID YOU DO THAT?She never asked WHY he beat her up, and he never mentioned it due to him 'not rememb...
More About: Friends

Chris Brown Abuse NEVER happened before!
2009-09-09 19:06:00
This is a second series in which I wanted to write about Chris Brown and his interview with Larry King. Chris Brown, his Mother and Denial was my first part.IT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!Chris Brown's reaction towards the beginning of the interview is pretty typical. In most cases abusers will NOT admit when things happened before, but when they get caught like he did? THAT was the first time! The relationship was pretty normal beforehand.I realize people will RUSH to say the incidents that are mentioned were never proven. If it never happened would you react like he did? "I don't remember that happening." Most people will say, "THAT NEVER HAPPENED!" The lawyer stated that the probation people took those incidents from different reports, and placed it in the present report. THAT doesn't mean it never happened! OH AND they never spoke to either of the parties about this. Where did it come from then? Something was called to their attention, and if neither party told the prob...
More About: Abuse

Chris Brown, Mom and Denial...
2009-09-08 20:20:00
I watched the Larry King interview with Chris Brown last night, and you could see the swell of denial that still is present. You can also see the typical response that alot of people see, and I hope that within time during their counseling times he/they become more enlightened than they seem to be now.There are HUGE differences between how he/she had to deal with things compared to most of us, but I saw alot of similar items as well.I skipped the first portion, because it was more of an introduction. If you would like to see it just click HEREFirst off I don't have an issue with him NOT wishing to go into details that night. I don't think it is his place, but is Rhianna's place if she wishes to go there. I understand a reporter HAS to ask, but I was glad he didn't choose to go into what happened between them. If I were guessing it was more his lawyer's input not to, because abusers do like to get that portion out. It doesn't matter at this point anyway.HE IS AN UNUSUAL ABUSER...
More About: Denial

Religious Abuse Religious Extremism
2009-09-04 21:40:00
As I struggle with my anger over the story of Jaycee Lee Dugard I read a story regarding Elizabeth Smart as well.In both cases, the accused abductor seems to have been motivated by religious extremism, Ed Smart said."It makes you angry that anyone would use God as an excuse to rationalize their predatory behavior," he said.It amazes me that most people can connect the dots with the religious abuse - among other forms of abuse - with these two ladies, but can't see the downright screwy thinking of the church regarding domestic violence of all forms.I mean they use GOD to rationalize the abusive behaviors towards family members ALL THE TIME!WORK ON YOURSELFI remember years back when I started on my journey of learning that I had experienced abuse. What I was living with was indeed abuse - verbal and emotional abuse. I didn't recognize the physical abuse right away. I assumed that getting the snot kicked out of me was the only form of physical abuse. I learned later that was inco...
More About: Abuse , Extremism , Religious

John Piper's Ignorance is Killing Children!
2009-09-02 05:56:00
I was over at Women In Ministry when I stumbled upon advice from John Piper regarding submission and abuse.If you would rather read the transcript please go to Women in Ministry site she has it there.The John Piper's in the world need to know that NOT only are the women of his church being damaged, but his STUPIDITY is also damaging the children! That is going to effect their future generations of the church, and their tithes to keep their doors open and help others.I'm sorry but I have to look at this man's body language first of all. His giggle at the beginning was offensive for one thing. Its not funny, but a very serious issue.When the women of his church that have been abused, and wake up and leave his church? John Piper is seriously going to wonder what happened. That's the sad part. The John Piper's of the world need to step up, and educate themselves on domestic violence within the church. They need to go to a faith based domestic violence organization, and spend...
More About: Children , Ignorance , Killing

Chris Brown and his Mother
2009-09-01 01:28:00
I saw a statement by Chris Brown 's mother, and it just took me back!Chris Brown's mother Joyce has released a statement, saying, "I just want to say from the bottom of my heart thank you for your continued support. I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to speak to anyone as this case was ongoing. I can now say this has been the most painful moment in my entire life, but knowing that you were still standing by Chris side in his time of need made this a little easier for us... I made a promise to him I would never be ashamed of him no matter where I am or who I talk to. You see this whole thing isn't about Chris it's about God. He wants to show all of you the goodness of him through Chris. Chris will be addressing all of his fans very soon. We love you so much and so does God."I have to wonder how she thinks this will happen? From where I sit right now this poor woman is in denial, and she can't help him from that position.If he can come to a place of full repentance, and that means more...
More About: Mother

Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship
2009-08-31 23:46:00
I was trying to reference something from Patricia Evan's The Verbally Abusive Relationship today, and WOW it seemed I saw some relations to how the church deal with verbal abuse.Since the verbal abuser needs to have Power Over his partner, he cannot accept her as an equal. He may, however, tell her that he does. Why can't he accept her as an equal? Because he would experience her equality as his inferiority. He would have to ask for what he wanted. He would be open to rejection. He would have to give up control and dominance. Control and dominance seem to give the abuser a sense of power, security and identity as a male.You know what this sounds like to me? It sounds like those speeches and preaches you hear about how we are both equal in God's eyes, but remember he is LEADER of the HOME! Remember the bibles says you are to SUBMIT to your husband! HECK some churches go one step further, and tell women they are to submit to men in general!Secure men of faith aren't goin...
More About: Evans

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil
2009-08-29 20:22:00
Jaycee Lee Dugard as many know by now has been found after 18 years. I was reading a story on Yahoo, and a few others about the fact people KNEW he was there with the children.The quotes from these neighbors and others just made me cry. You hear about the ONE call to the police - ONE in 18 years. It makes me sick.Its like the world has just decided that we just close our eyes, and stick to our own personal business. We can't get involved even with a anonymous call to the police. One person in 18 years did that. That fact makes me very angry! Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil!They are going to want to hang the police out to dry for missing things when they did come to the house, and never bothered going into the backyard where they were. We don't know all the circumstances around that yet, but you just watch no one will wish to look at all the others that blew things off as well.Damon Robinson has lived next door to the Garridos for more than three years and his then...
More About: Evil

Poems about Domestic Violence
2009-08-25 20:31:00
Domestic Violence and the Workplace and Pantagraph.com posted three poems of domestic violence on their sites.One truly hit me hard.What It Means To Be A VictimI am the beastWhich you have lain upon the alterAn offering to an angry GodI am the oneChosen for purity's sakeWhose throat will be slitAs my blood spills outAsk yourselfHave you come closer to God?Is God now happy?As my blood runs down the streetAsk yourselfCan we now find peace?Or must we come back to this alter?Again and againI am the oneThat sacrificial beastI think the church needs to FEEL this one so that we can stop the sacrificial alter calls.Years ago I wrote one myself called, "I can't" - a poem also the cycle domestic violence.
More About: Poems , Domestic , Domestic Violence

Submit to your husband
2009-08-24 20:17:00
I think I have made myself clear over the years that I don't believe that scripture should be used as weapons against your spouse. The gender isn't an issue here. Its a sin no matter who you are.Susan's Sunny Side... This is my life... had an article today that truly bothered me. The blogger herself didn't - it was the concept of the Irish Catholic Church wanting to change scripture. I won't say that I can't understand WHY they wish to do this when you look at domestic violence within the church, but I don't think I can agree that changing scripture is going to change attitudes.She mentions:I was to read that in August 2000, the Irish Catholic Church proposed dropping seven texts from a proposed new Lectionary because they "give an undesirably negative impression regarding women." The Irish Bishops' new Domestic Violence document recommended the following texts for deletion.Reading II Eph 5:21 - 32 or 5:2a, 25-32Brothers and sisters:Be subordinate to one another out of r...
More About: Submit , Husband

The Hiding Place
2009-08-14 23:09:00
I remember as a child by father took us to see this movie, and you can see interviews of Corrie Ten Boom online as well.Here is the trailer I found on youtube!The Ten Boom family were devoted Christians who dedicated their lives in service to their fellow man. Their home was always an "open house" for anyone in need. Through the decades the Ten Booms were very active in social work in Haarlem, and their faith inspired them to serve the religious community and society at large. During the Second World War, the Ten Boom home became a refuge, a hiding place, for fugitives and those hunted by the Nazis. By protecting these people, Casper and his daughters, Corrie and Betsie, risked their lives. This non-violent resistance against the Nazi-oppressors was the Ten Booms' way of living out their Christian faith. This faith led them to hide Jews, students who refused to cooperate with the Nazis, and members of the Dutch underground resistance movement.During 1943 and into 1944, there were u...
More About: Place , Suffering

Is the church a safe place to repent?
2009-08-05 04:01:00
The Internet Monk wrote in an article called, Is there a Place to Repent?I Corinthians 6:9-116: 9 Don?t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don?t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people?none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. -Paul the Apostle, First Letter to the CorinthiansHe spoke of how we have heard this scripture stated many times, and how you have heard if you don?t repent of those sins you will not inherit your place in Heaven. What he does say that makes a lot of sense to me is that the church at isn?t to welcoming to those on that rocky road to repentance. Once yo...
More About: Church , The Church , Safe

Not Ready To Make Nice
2009-07-26 03:10:00
I recently listened to the Dixie Chick's song, 'Not Ready To Make Nice '. To me the lyrics have a univeral meaning to them. I could relate to my stand on Emotional Abuse and Faith.To me it speaks about the things you hear alot about when you start to speak about the abuse within your home. Then you realize you have to make some breaks, because people truly aren't listening and don't understand.Forgive, sounds goodForget, I?m not sure I couldThey say time heals everythingBut I?m still waitingI?m through with doubtThere?s nothing left for me to figure outI?ve paid a priceAnd I?ll keep payingI?m not ready to make niceI?m not ready to back downI?m still mad as hell andI don?t have time to go round and round and roundIt?s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn?t if I could?Cause I?m mad as hellCan?t bring myself to do what it is you think I shouldI know you saidCan?t you just get over itIt turned my whole world aroundAnd I kind of like itI made my bed and I sleep like a babyWith ...
More About: Suffering

Cause of the broken family: Fleeing feet or flying fists?
2009-07-22 19:47:00
From time to time I receive a comment about how staying within an abusive environment, and submitting to an abusive man brings healing to a family. How?Your chaste behavior towards a person that is beating you will turn their ways around. You are asked to suffer like the slaves were asked to in scripture, because it does mention the submit part for wives shortly afterwards. You are told to suffer as Jesus did for us! God is calling you to SUFFER for HIM!We read in the bible many times in which people fled from danger, because God opened the door for escape. Jesus did this. David did this. We find stories of people hiding others, and lying to authorities about their presence there to save the lives of those that are hidden. You are told those don't count. WELL It Worked FOR ME!Do we say to missionaries that are persecuted to death that they were at fault because they didn't LOVE their enemy the right way? What about the verse that says, ?Ask for it, believing, and it will be done.?...
More About: Family , Flying , Feet , Broken

Abuse in the Spiritual Realm
2009-07-18 19:57:00
Once in a while you come across a very moving video regarding dealing with domestic violence within the church. Spiritual Help for the Abuse d is a very pretty and moving video.I wanted to share this. Speaking about this domestic violence within the home is the first step toward healing. There are alot of places of worship that encourage the silence, but that is not what the Bible states is to happen. The truth is to be brought into the light, because that is what God's word says.Truth is what brings healing, and not silence as a tool for the sacrifice for others not wishing to face it.
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Saddleback's Tom Holladay Back pedal about domestic violence
2009-07-17 02:18:00
Saddleback removes audio clip saying abuse no excuse for divorce , but it took them HOW LONG to come up with an excuse as to WHY?I guess Saddleback didn't have their damage control together fast enough when they decided they made silly and dangerous remarks about domestic violence. They decided months later to let the world know about their error at abpnews.com, but NOT leave any explanation or explain themselves at the time. Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense."I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'" He let the Baptist news outlet know his statement had to do with other forms of domestic violence, and you seem to have the right to leave ONLY if physical abuse is present now. It took how many months to come up with this...
More About: Domestic , Violence , Back , Domestic Violence , Pedal

Carter Speaks out about Treatment of women of faith, and how it encourages
2009-07-14 03:47:00
I ran across this article today regarding our former President Carter , and how he feels that faiths have been doing women (in some sectors of course) a disservice. That they are using cherry picked scripture to keep them in a inferior position, and he feels its against scripture.The words of God do not justify cruelty to women, and when I read that I almost fell off my chair today.He seemed have joined an organization called The Elders, and they wish to speak about things that seem more like 'tradition' or 'culture' than truth when it comes to issues like women's rights in this aspect. I was floored when I came across this. Churches for the most part don't wish to acknowledge this is happening, and here comes a gentleman that is willing to bring the truth into the light!He also has decided after MANY years to leave the Baptist church over their view of women in scripture.I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith i...
More About: Women , Faith , Treatment , Domestic abuse

Narcississm - Its all about Him
2009-05-21 16:05:00
Blog talk radio interview with Barbara from Sanctuary for the Abused, and she is interviewed about Narcissism . All About Him speaks about what is a narcissist, and how to identify a narcissistic behavior.This isn't a gender issue again, and its a good interview if you have questions about Narcissism.
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Saudi Judge gives ignorant excuses for domestic violence. Are we much bett
2009-05-13 16:24:00
Cnn.com was quoted this week:Judge Hamad Al-Razine said that "if a person gives SR 1,200 [$320] to his wife and she spends 900 riyals [$240] to purchase an abaya [the black cover that women in Saudi Arabia must wear] from a brand shop and if her husband slaps her on the face as a reaction to her action, she deserves that punishment."The judge also ignorantly stated:Al-Razine "also pointed out that women's indecent behavior and use of offensive words against their husbands were some of the reasons for domestic violence in the country," it added.We can all see the ignorance in those comments about what domestic violence actually is. The blog world is on fire about the judges comments, and people are making comments about how backwards this thinking is. That's being NICE!As the author at It Dawned on Me statedI lived in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia for 14 months many years ago. Every time I see stories like this, it makes me angry. This is yet another example of men?and this time validated b...
More About: Muslim , Domestic , Violence

Communication Breakdown?
2009-05-12 16:44:00
I just don't understand HOW people can push the 'communication' card, and then ask you to do the opposite...and then wonder why it doesn't work for people. All to often I see counterdictions, and enables communication breakdown. Here is an example!At the present time, my husband and I are struggling with our marriage. I am trying to be more solicitous in that I am asking his permission or what his thoughts are versus saying, "I'm going to do this...".The other day, a friend wanted to me to go out with her but we had three children at the house so I asked him, "Would you mind if I went...?" He reacted negatively and said, "Well, I suppose but I wanted lay down and I can't do that with unless you are watching the kids." Now, this was said in a negative manner and with an air of guilt, which has been one of my issues with him---his controlling/doing things through guilt or fear.I choose to let him lay down and went with my friend later. However, I'm left with the same feelings o...
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Cheating or beating--which is worse?
2009-05-06 14:47:00
I saw a thread on Ibelieve.com about if you had to have ONE happen which would be worse? Cheating or Beating ?It was an interesting thread to read, because as you know churches tend to push the cheating card only. Overall which was the biggest fear, or considered the worse? Beating.They spoke of the dynamics that may come with the beating part compared to the cheating part. The biggest factor was fear. Fear for their live. How beating isn't normally the only thing you deal with.Of course you had those that threw in the 'one time' only deal, and I sat their scratching my head. So if you spouse beat the stuffing out of you ONE time you wouldn't be afraid of them? I'm sorry but if people can't admit that its pride. Someone finally mentioned how its strange how pastors will only acknowledge the cheating part as excuse to separate or divorce. Funny because the poll showed overwhelmingly the women would rather be cheated on.Cheating or Beating -- which is worse? It was an i...

Faith Board Enables Emotional Abuse Part Two
2009-05-05 12:17:00
I guess Family Life got an earful or something, because they decided they were going to 'change' the article. I have to say - it didn't make it any better. This faith board is still enabling emotional abuse.Do you have a one-way marriage?See yesterdays post, Faith Board Enables Emotional Abuse to see where we left off.Editor?s note: One of the most difficult issues to address today is, ?How long do you stay in a very unhappy marriage?? In the following article an anonymous wife describes her experiences and what God has taught her during a long, difficult relationship. It also sparked some interesting discussion in our comments section (see end of article) after it was sent by e-mail in the May 2009 issue of The Family Room. To provide greater context to the story and to address some misunderstandings, we worked with the writer to make revisions on May 4, 2009. Ahem. I don't think there were many misunderstandings. Just because they changed the slant a bit to making her 'choice...
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Faith Site Enables Emotional Abuse?
2009-05-02 22:11:00
I read an article on Family Life recently. The title of the article was Do You Have a One-Way Marriage? I was appalled that a faith site would enable emotional abuse, and somehow feel its okay to show others how the author endured the emotional abuse...and to show how YOU can TOO! What is wrong with this world!Before you can know that peace and joy, you have a huge decision to make. Will you love Jesus more than you love yourself? How far are you willing to go in this love relationship? What holds you back? The better you know God?s character, the more your fears will dissolve. You cannot lose by living life God?s way.Over the years my husband has been out of work several times. One of those times, he didn?t bother seeking a new job. He sat and played solitaire every day or watched television. This went on for a year and a half. I had a little part-time job, and when our extended family asked if I would get a full-time job, I said, ?No. He needs the pressure.?Of course, after many m...
More About: Abuse , Faith , Site , Emotional

Commercial showing the cycle of abuse
2009-04-30 15:30:00
I found this commercial online about the cycle of domestic violence or domestic abuse. It seems to be a series, and is made in more than one language. Instead of showing all the different videos I found one with all of them in a row. Its shows the story of how a son grew up with domestic violence, and the cycle continued in his generation.Village of Men Domestic Violence PSA - English from Jon Strocel on Vimeo.This commercial shows a man that was brave enough to get help for himself and his family...and stop the cycle of abuse within his family.
More About: Abuse , Commercial , Cycle

I'm Honored!
2009-04-29 15:17:00
Just Be Real Left me a note yesterday!Hannah, I have an award waiting for you in the post "Just Be Real Award." Come by and take of it dear one! Isn't it pretty? Talk about someone with talent there huh? I love those birds!What a sweet honor - Thank you Just Be Real! I placed it on my sidebar as well! Everyone should go over to the blog, and check out the neat collection of blogs she has awarded to others as well! WHILE you are there - check out Just Be Real and as well!Thank you Lets Be Real - I'm truly honored!