Really Funny Jokes

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Adult humor jokes-Saving up!
2008-02-04 19:25:00
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years...I thought he meant his money!!"
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Humor jokes-Church Sermon
2008-02-04 19:15:00
There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn."And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!!!"
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Funny jokes-Job at the Zoo
2008-02-04 05:58:00
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts,But Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'l...
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Adult jokes-Pest Control
2008-01-30 19:14:00
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly."Quick," said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet."Who are you?" he asked him."I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone, " said the exterminator."What are you doing in there?" the husband asked."I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied."And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
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Really funny jokes-Four weddings!
2008-01-30 19:10:00
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married- for the fourth time.The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.'He's a funeral director,' she answered.'Interesting, ' the newsman thought.He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.She smiled and explained, 'I married number one for the money, tw...
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Humor jokes-140 million Iraqis
2008-01-30 19:05:00
George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, ?Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there??The barman says, ?Yep, that`s them.?So the guy walks over and says, ?Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here??Bush says, ?We`re planning World War III?.And the guy says, ?Really? What`s going to happen??Bush says, ?Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.The guy exclaimed, ?Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde??Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, ?See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!?
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Short funny SMS jokes
2008-01-26 13:43:00
Enjoy six short funny SMS jokes Man : "I want to find out if I have the grounds for a divorce."Lawyer: "Are you married?"Man: "Why , yes, if course."Lawyer " "Then you have grounds"Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home.He probably lies about other things too.The world's thinnest book has only oneword written in it 'everything' and the book is titled:"What women want!"There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman,before marriage and after marriage!Why did you hit your husband with chair?"I couldn't lift the table""You looked troubled" I told my friend , "what's your problem?"He replied,"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful",I said."What's wonderful? my wife doesn't know about it."
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Adult humor jokes-Morning sex
2008-01-24 19:10:00
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.He walked in; She turned and said,You've got to make love to me this very moment."His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day."Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove.More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
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Short humor jokes-Trouble for whom?
2008-01-24 19:08:00
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, Boy, are you in trouble? I'm a lawyer!The driver looked out his window and said, No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge.
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Kids jokes-Comparison with God
2008-01-24 19:02:00
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?''You're both old,' he replied.
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Adult jokes-Little wider
2008-01-22 19:07:00
There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.She does and they continue.A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."
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Really funny jokes-Real Estate salesman's honesty
2008-01-22 19:06:00
"This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both."The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.""What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer."The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing."
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Funny jokes-Married for the 4th time!
2008-01-22 19:00:00
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time."How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?""He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.""Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?""He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died.""Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.""He died of a broken neck.""A broken neck?""He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
More About: Jokes , Funny , Time , Married

Adult jokes-Empty bank account
2008-01-21 15:43:00
The husband was furious when he found out thier bank account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, "It's my turn.""What do you mean, your turn?" yelled the husband."In bed," she explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it's my turn."
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Really funny jokes-The wonderful Patient
2008-01-21 15:42:00
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.""That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
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Short funny Husband - Wife jokes
2008-01-20 07:28:00
Enjoy three short funny husband wife jokes.A Husband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time ,"The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"Tormented by her husband's infidelities a wife decided to take some decisive action. So the next night she took a magic marker pen and printed the following legend on the crotch of her panties " LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT"A husband read an article to his wife , about how many words women use a day is 30,000.But in the case of a man it is 15,000.The wife replied "the reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".The husband then turned to his wife and asked , "What?"
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Really funny jokes-Historical
2008-01-19 09:09:00
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore.""What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks."It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!""You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling."No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you ...."
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Adult jokes-Virgin husband
2008-01-18 11:24:00
A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice: "Daughter, when you're in Town and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following the requirements mother set for you. You must find a man that is faithful', 'thrifty' and must be a 'virgin'.With this advice from her mother, the girl went to Town. After some months later, she came home to get her mother's blessings to marry."Mother, I've met the my match following your instructions. My future husband is faithful because when we went out for holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?"Her mother nodded in agreement."Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, they'll share one room only. Isn't he not thrifty guy?"For the se...
More About: Jokes , Virgin , Adult , Husband

Humor jokes-Elderly womens' woes
2008-01-18 11:22:00
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."Her friend glared at her.For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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Funny jokes-Cheats
2008-01-18 11:21:00
Little Johnny to Billy, "You know, Jane Smith CHEATS!""Why do you say that?" asked Billy."Well she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but it turns out she hasn't got one!" exclaimed Little Johnny.
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Adult funny jokes-Sex education class
2008-01-17 19:15:00
After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over.Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone.""I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
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Really Funny jokes-Pregnant unwed daughter
2008-01-17 19:10:00
A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant. Scared, She confides this ' news' to her mother.Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the Girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However,If there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"A...
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Adult jokes-Inside me!
2008-01-14 19:10:00
Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy was so excited when she found out she was pregnant. She called me late one night after my boyfriend and I had already gone to bed."What on earth did she want?" her friend asked."Oh... she just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me !"I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"
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Really funny jokes-Come Fly with me
2008-01-14 19:05:00
Two blind pilots board the plane wearing dark glasses. One is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. No one is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge ofthe airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says, "Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream...
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Sardar jokes-Suger level
2008-01-14 19:00:00
Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.Wife observes the whole episode.Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this?Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.
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Short funny adult SMS jokes
2008-01-13 08:21:00
Enjoy 3 funny SMS jokesMother asks daughter "How is married life"Daughter says with shyness "Like the advt. of British Airways"Mother reads the advt. and shocked : 7 days a week , twice a day , both ways.Ticket checker fined ticketless girls.Jeans girl is fined Rs.100.Midi girl is Rs.50Half skirt girl Rs.25.Next girl was fined Rs.0. Why ? Think positive .She had a ticket.What is difference between1.Girl friend2.Lover3.Wife4. StepneyIt is simple1.Prepaid2.Lifetime3.Post paid4. Coinbooth
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Adult sex joke - New Couple
2008-01-12 20:42:00
A newly wed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon."Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked."Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?""No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?""No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
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Really Funny jokes-Bikers
2008-01-12 19:25:00
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then he took a seat at the counter.The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver, either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles. "
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Humor jokes-Wasting your life!!!
2008-01-12 19:10:00
A German teenage boy was upstairs playing on his computer when his grandad came in the room and sat down on the bed."What are you doing?" asked the grandad. "You're 18 years old and wasting your life! When I was 18 I went to Paris, I went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed on the barman and left without paying! Now that is how to have a good time!"A week later, the grandfather comes to visit again. He finds the boy still in his room, but with a broken arm in plaster, two black eyes and missing all his front teeth."What happened?" he asked."Oh Grandfather! " replied the boy. "I did what you did! I went to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, pissed all over the barman, and they beat the crap out of me!""Oh dear!" replied Grandpa. "Who did you go with?""Just some friends. Why? Who did you go with?""Oh!" replied Grandpa. "The German army!"
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Adult jokes-Newly wed seniors
2008-01-12 19:01:00
The newly wed seniors were having sexual problems. The counselor thought it might be due to the fact that the woman was taller. He suggested special shoes with built-up heels to help the man's ego.The next month, he asked if things had improved in their love life with the shoes."Well yes..." the woman replied, "but those shoes get the sheets so dirty."
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